your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
