girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize