If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
