honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
