I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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