not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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