I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
