dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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