My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
