I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
