Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
