booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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