from now on my penis is your penis
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
