Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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