Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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