u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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