I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
