His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
