I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
