So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
