I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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