i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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