I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
