This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
