I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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