I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
