I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
