Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
