So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
