She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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