Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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