I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
