i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
