i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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