a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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