the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
