There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
