I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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