You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
