Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
