In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
