i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
