Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
