I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
