The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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