my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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