he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
