So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I puked a lego.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
