Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize