True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They took my balls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
