I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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