i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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