and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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