I could have mohawked her pubes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
