Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize