Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
