awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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