Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
