You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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