i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
