gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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