I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
