i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
