He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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